Day 7 and Growing Pains

Today's Verses

Genesis 16:1-18:15
Matthew 6:1-24
Psalm 7:1-17
Proverbs 2:1-5

Genesis: It's a long one. God appears to Abra(ha)m again and promises him a bunch of descendants and a kid...again. Will he follow through this time? IDK. Since Abram can't have a kid yet, so his wife Sarai agrees to give her servant to him to conceive a child. It works but the servant, Hagar (terrible name for a woman, all I can think of is Hagrid), starts treating Sarai poorly (wonder why). Hagar runs off and an Angel comes to her and says, your son will be a jerk and everyone will hate him, go back to your mistress and submit. Goodness gracious, that couldn't have gone much worse.

photoshopped?

Matt: Play your trumpet in the street and that is the only reward you will receive.

Psalm: God, I'm going to sing you a song, but right after the first verse, I'm going to take a break, interlude it up. But any, do you mind killing my enemies because they are evil and I am not...

Proverbs: Now, that explanation of fearing God doesn't seem so harsh.

  

The World vs My World

For a long time (much of high school and all of college) I struggled with life. More specifically, what my purpose in life was, why I was born, why did it matter. Kathleen and I had long conversations about it, but nothing really made me feel any better. Then one day, I just came to the answer I needed. After coming to the realization, I have heard other people talk about it, and I wondered why no one imparted this information on me earlier. Oh well. 

The realization was this: the chances of me changing "The World" are slim to none, especially in the field of Music Education in good ol' NC. The chances of me changing "My World," those around me, the ones I interact with on a daily basis, are huge. Not only is it huge, but it could potentially change the life of someone who could change "The World." I told Kat this over dinner one night close to graduation in college at Mimi's in Friendly Center. I remember this very vividly because I have to keep reminding myself that I have come to this realization, and that I chose to accept this life. That may sound a little harsh, but I made the decision to get married, buy a house, get a crappy paying job, and start a family. Honestly, I always wanted that, but I struggled with the "purpose," which got in the way of me seeing the positiveness in the life I wanted. I have figured out the purpose but it is tough sometimes, especially with balancing work with family. But interacting with these kids on a daily basis makes it worth it (although, interacting with some of the adults could go better). I guess this is one reason that I struggle with leaving the teaching profession. We shape so many lives on a daily basis. What kind of "molder" would I be in a cubical?

I have to remind myself often because I sometimes doubt that I am making a difference to those around me, in "My World." I know that I've only been "at it" for 3.5 years and that it may take some time for what I do to reciprocate back around to me (watch out, BIG word), but it's really hard to justify living paycheck to paycheck (if that) and being stressed overly stressed almost every day because of my job.

Enough with the Negative Nelly, here are some things that make me happy and make the crappy parts of my day go away:

Words with Friends

Rocking out in the car

Hanging out with my wife

Knowing I have the most beautiful family on Earth (I'm not biased)

So, in contemplation, I need to be patient and wait a while. If things are still this stressful in 7 years, maybe I should consider doing something else. We shall see.

Until next time, dear readers...